Why, yes I would like fries with that
by Bodaciousbagel
Summary: Dear world, this is a collection of all the crack stories my friend and I write. Enjoying these might be hazardous to your health.
1. In which we go bowling

In Which We Go Bowling.  
For all of you that were just as shocked as I was when you found out there were no General Winter x Old Fritz stories.

* * *

Once upon a time, there were these two guys who were named Old Fritz and General Winter. Actually, his name was Chuck. Chuck Winter. And he was a general.

So this once time, these two guys, Chuck and Fritz, decided to go bowling. Because that is totally what two military men would do. Totally. And so, they were at the bowling alley, right, and there were these old ladies. And their competitive bowling team was short two players. Well, what a coincidence. Because Fritz and Chuck were two people. So they were all like, let's do this thannnng! Cuz that is how they talk. Well, General Winter is a gust of wind, so he knows what's up.

So the captain, B. Arthur, was all like, "Swell! We'll get you fitted for some shirts right away!"

These shirts were a delightful shade of salmon, with lime green letters proudly proclaiming the name of their bowling team, 'The Pinheads'.

Chuck and Fritz were just so excited about this bowling endeavor.

So, the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship was fast approaching, so they trained really freaking hard with their captain B. Arthur and Hillary Clinton. They were all like, climbing up mountains and junk to that Rocky song. The one that is way overused, yanno? About tiger eyes or something.

Well, on the day of the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship, this guy Gilbert decided to take his little brother Ludwig on a date to the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship.

It just so happened that a man named Ivan was also taking his man-wife Toris on a date to the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship.

So, all of these men were sitting. And things were going pretty good. Until they realized who comprised the second half of 'The Pinheads'.

As Fritz stepped up to...to bowl. Uh. I dunno what you call that. But Gilbert was like, "Oh goodness! What is Fritz doing on this old lady bowling team, yo?"

This outburst distracted Fritz, and he had a gutterball, and Hillary Clinton cursed at Fritz because another mistake like that would cost them the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship.

And then Ivan was also like holy freaking God when it was Chuck's turn to bowl because he couldn't believe that this giant air element general thing would disgrace the world by joining an old lady's bowling team.

And Ivan yelled and Chuck threw a gutterball, and they lost the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese European State-wide Bowling Championship.

And that is why zebras have stripes.

* * *

Happy freaking New Year. May it be filled with bowling and gusts of wind and zebras.


	2. Cat x France x China x A Wall

My OTP for life, Cat x France x China x A Wall.  
Written in the stylings of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.

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ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WASS A MAN NAMED FRANCE. HE WAS FRIENDS WITH A MAN NAMED CHINA WHO WAS CHINEEESE. ONE DAY \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\FRANNCE AND CHINA WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET LIKE FRIENDS DO SOEMTIMES. HELLO MY NOSE ITVHES WHILE THEY WAS WALKING THEY SAW THIS BLACK CAT. IT CROSSED THEY'RE PATH SO OBVIOUSLY THAT MEANS BAD LUCK. "NO DON'T BE SILLY" CHINA SAID TO FRASNE WHEN HE SUGGESTED THAT A BLACK CAT MEAND BAD LUCK "BLACK CATS DON'T MEAN BAD LUCK THAT IS JUST STUPID YOU STOOPID FROGGY MAN" FRANCE WAS VERY SAD BUT THEN HE REALIZEDS THAT THE CAT WAS SALEM FROM SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH. AND SO HE WAS ALL LIKE "ONHONHON HELLO THERE SALEM THE CAT FROM SBRINA THE TREENAGE WITCH" AND SALEM WAS LIKE "WORD UP\ SON" AND THEN HE LAUNCHED HIMSELF AT FERANCE WHO SCREAMED LIKE A SMALL CHILD. SALEM PROCEEDED TO STREIP FRANCE ERIGHT THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AND CHINA WAS LIKE "HELLS-FUCKING-LYES" BECAUSE HE WANTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT BIZZZZNESS SO HE STRIPPED DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET TOO AN THEY ALL HAD AN ORGY WITH A BRICK WALL THE END. PS FRANCE WAS IMPREGNAYTED BY SALEM AND THEY HAD A LKITTER OF KITTENS.

* * *

Written by Miscellaneous Rhett  
Except for the slashes and the part about my itchy nose.


	3. Chris the Loss Prevention Man

A magical fairy tale in response to Cat x France x China x A Wall.  
Uh. Yeah.

* * *

Once upon a time, there were these two guys. They were named Ludwig and King Henry VIII. They also had manes. Because they were horses, not guys. Well, they were guy horses. But whatever.

So this one time, these two majestic horse guys were in a lovely field of flowers and shit, and they were having a gay old time. They were galloping and skipping with their hooves and singing along to Henry's mix tape of Barry Manilow songs. It was fucking awesome. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and shit was happening. Seriously.

BUT THEN, OH MY GOD. This man came. Okay, he was actually not a man. He was another horse. But that's kind of obvious since this story is all about horses and stuff. So this guy, he's all decked out in black…horse clothing. Or whatever. Those things that are all on top of horses raping their backs, you know? Yeah. He had one. And it was black. He was evil, you see. Very evil. He was so evil, in fact, that whenever he entered a room, someone breathed. OH GOD. So evil.

So this evil guy, his name was Chris the Loss Prevention Man. He prevented losses. Like a boss. Except for this one time that this old lady had stuffed a package of forks and spoons into her underwear and ran out of Ross. Yeah. He was SO not going to stick his hand all up in that junk.

Chris the Loss Prevention Man approached the other horses that were jumping and shit like two complete idiots, and he said, "THOU ART GOING TO DIEEEEE."

Ludwig the horse guy screamed.

Henry farted.

Chris the Loss Prevention Man laughed and galloped gracefully around the field. He trampled some butterflies. He peed on a flower. It was all very evil.

Ludwig complimented Chris on his wonderfully graceful peeing. Chris said thank you. Because that is the polite thing to say.

And then, Chris divided by zero, and the world fell into a giant hole that lead to Michael Jackson's secret playland.

They were then all raped.

The end.


	4. Cash Money Kaching and Cupcake Bucket

I enjoy writing crack.  
Please, take no offense to this story if you or someone you love is a porn star.

And also, look! Estonia is in a story. Wow. Someone actually cares. (not me) XD

* * *

A long time ago, in the land of ghetto porn stars, there lived two men. Their names were Cash Money Ka-ching and Cupcake Bucket, aka Toris Lorinaitis and Alfred F. Jones. When they were little, they wanted to star on Gilmore Girls as two quirky gay neighbors, but that never really happened.

So here they were, these two guys. These two porn guys. Sittin' on a shag carpet eatin' some Cheetos in the nude. This was their Sexy Timeeeee room, complete with a heart-shaped rug and carpet-covered walls. They spent most of their days in this room, thinking about sexy things and playing Yahtzee.

But one day, this particular day that we are talking about, the one where they were eating Cheetos, a knock came at the door.

Alfred…er, Cupcake Bucket, really didn't want to leave his love nest to go see who was at the door. But he did anyway. Cuz he couldn't just leave his homeboy at the door hangin', you know? That's so not fly.

So Cupcake Bucket went to the door and opened it. And wouldn't ya know, it was his good friend Cheese Doodle, aka Matthew Williams, star of _Pour Some Maple Syrup On Me, Baby._

Cupcake Bucket was so excited to see his wing man, his home slice, his brotha from anotha motha.

Except they were actually brothers. So. That name really did nothing for either of them.

"Watchoo doin' booooo?" Cupcake Bucket asked.

"Ah, notin' much, babaaaay," Cheese Doodle replied. "I was jus' wonderin' if you and Cash Money were up for a game of Naked Cops."

Cupcake Bucket was ALWAYS ready for a game of Naked Cops. Who wouldn't be? I mean, sure. You would be naked, so no one would really recognize that you were dressed up as a cop, but whatever. It was the thought that counted.

How convenient! Cash Money Ka-ching and Cupcake Bucket were already naked! And covered in that delicious orange cheese shit they put on Cheetos. Yum.

So, Cheese Doodle went into the Sexy Timeeeee room and took it off every body take it off like a boss.

And then they played Naked Cops, followed by Naked Cowboys, and then Naked Pizza Delivery Guys.

And it was sexy.

Until there was another knock at the door.

Cheese Doodle went to answer it, in the nude. Because who DOESN'T want to see a naked man standing in front of you when someone opens the door? I do. But whatever.

"Wazzup, Doodle-meister?"

Well, golly! It was their upright hombre, Peaches the Annihilator, aka Eduard von Bock. And he wanted in on the sweet baby-making action.

So they all had some sexy fun times. And then they went out for ice cream.

In the nude.

The end.


End file.
